Larry, You're Not Even in the Conversation

# Larry, You're Not Even in the Conversation

**Author:** Patrick Duggan

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**Post 5. The quintilogy closer.**

I've spent the last 20 minutes shitting on Microsoft SQL, dodging AWS outages, proving Azure is hard mode, and demonstrating a time moat.

**Larry Ellison's Oracle hasn't come up once.**

That's not an oversight. That's the point.

The Elephant Not in the Room

**Cloud market share (2025):**

- AWS: ~32%

- Azure: ~23%

- Google Cloud: ~11%

- Oracle Cloud: ~2%

**Larry Ellison's net worth:** $158 billion (depending on which Tesla shares he's holding today)

**Oracle's relevance in startup infrastructure:** 0%

**You built a database company so dominant in the 1990s that it prints money forever. Then you missed EVERY cloud transition that mattered.**

The TikTok Bailout

**September 2020:** Trump threatens to ban TikTok unless it's sold to a U.S. company.

**Oracle's bid:** We'll host TikTok's U.S. data! (A "trusted technology partner" arrangement)

**What actually happened:** Larry's buddy (Trump) handed Oracle the deal. Not because Oracle Cloud was technically superior. Because Larry had a phone number.

**Result:** Oracle gets to claim "TikTok runs on Oracle Cloud!" in marketing materials.

**Reality:** TikTok runs on MULTIPLE clouds (Google, AWS, Oracle) with data residency compliance requirements. Oracle hosts U.S. data because of a political deal, not technical merit.

**Larry: You didn't win TikTok. You were GIVEN TikTok. And you should probably send a thank-you card.**

Why Oracle Isn't in the Conversation

**When startups pick a cloud, the conversation goes like this:**

**Founder:** "Should we use AWS or Azure or Google Cloud?"

**CTO:** "AWS has the most services. Azure has good enterprise integration. GCP has the best ML tools."

**CFO:** "What about Oracle?"

**[Long silence]**

**CTO:** "...Why would we use Oracle?"

**That silence is the entire story.**

The Legacy Tax

**Oracle's problem:** You CAN'T be Born Without Sin when you've been selling databases since 1977.

**The Oracle tax:**

- Licensing models that require a law degree to understand

- Audit teams that show up every 18 months to find "compliance gaps"

- Sales reps who won't give you pricing without a 3-hour Zoom call

- "Enterprise-ready" features that cost 10x what AWS charges

**Startups don't have time for that bullshit.**

**DugganUSA's monthly Azure bill:** $130

**Oracle's MINIMUM cloud commitment for enterprise features:** $10,000/year

**We're not in the same market. We're not even in the same sport.**

The Missed Transition

**1990s:** Oracle dominated databases. Larry bought a yacht for every day of the week.

**2000s:** AWS launches (2006). Larry calls cloud computing "complete gibberish" and "fashion-driven."

**2010s:** Every startup builds on AWS. Oracle realizes "oh shit, maybe cloud ISN'T gibberish."

**2020s:** Oracle Cloud exists but nobody under 40 uses it unless their boss forces them to.

**Larry, you were SO right about cloud computing being gibberish that you missed the biggest infrastructure transition in 50 years.**

**How's that working out?**

The Acquisitions That Didn't Save You

**Oracle's strategy since missing cloud:** Buy companies that ARE relevant.

- **Sun Microsystems (2009):** $7.4 billion. MySQL, Java, Solaris. Tried to make Java closed-source. Developers fled to open alternatives.

- **NetSuite (2016):** $9.3 billion. Cloud ERP software. Decent acquisition, but still not AWS/Azure scale.

- **Cerner (2022):** $28.3 billion. Healthcare IT. Great! Except it's still running on... legacy Oracle databases.

**You spent $45+ billion acquiring other people's relevance instead of building your own.**

**Meanwhile:**

- AWS built from scratch → $90 billion/year revenue

- Azure built from scratch → $60 billion/year revenue

- Oracle Cloud "built" from acquisitions → $5 billion/year revenue

**You're not even CLOSE, Larry.**

The Personality Problem

**Jeff Bezos (AWS):** "We're customer-obsessed. We'll build what you need."

**Satya Nadella (Azure):** "Every company is a software company. We'll help you transform."

**Larry Ellison (Oracle):** "I'm richer than you and I have more boats."

**Startups don't care about your boats, Larry.**

**We care about:**

- Can we ship fast? (AWS: yes, Azure: mostly, Oracle: lol)

- Is the pricing transparent? (AWS: kinda, Azure: kinda, Oracle: "call sales")

- Will we get locked in? (AWS: yes, Azure: yes, Oracle: ABSOLUTELY)

**You built Oracle to TRAP customers, not serve them. That worked in 1995. It doesn't work now.**

The TikTok Thank-You Card

**Dear Larry,**

Thank you for reminding us that political connections still matter in enterprise sales.

Thank you for proving that even a $158 billion net worth can't make developers choose Oracle Cloud.

Thank you for being the example of what happens when you call cloud computing "gibberish" and then spend 15 years trying to catch up.

**Most importantly:** Thank you for not being in the conversation when startups pick infrastructure. It makes our decision between AWS, Azure, and GCP so much simpler.

**P.S.** - Don't forget to thank your buddy for the TikTok deal. You didn't earn it. It was a gift.

**Sincerely,**

**Every startup founder who's never considered Oracle Cloud**

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**The quintilogy summary:**

1. **Post 1:** No databases (Oracle's entire business model)

2. **Post 2:** AWS outage didn't affect us (Oracle wasn't even an option)

3. **Post 3:** Time moat (we ship faster than Oracle's sales cycle)

4. **Post 4:** Azure is hard mode (we beat Azure, Oracle isn't even playing)

5. **Post 5:** Larry, you're not in the conversation (and TikTok was a gift, not a win)

**The pattern:** We chose speed, portability, and Born Without Sin. Larry chose boats, acquisitions, and audit teams.

**We're building the future. Larry's selling the past.**

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**P.S.** - This post is 842 words. Larry's probably still on slide 3 of the quarterly earnings deck.

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**P.P.S.** - Five posts in 27 minutes. That's faster than Oracle's sales team responds to an RFP.

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**P.P.P.S.** - Larry, I know you're not reading this. Your assistant's assistant might forward it to you. Maybe. If you're lucky.